So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
