i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
