We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
