You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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