I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
