I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I supernannyed him into submission
the raccoons are back...
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