Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
