I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
