I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize