Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
All I want is dick and wine.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
