Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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