Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
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I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
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I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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