Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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