oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
