How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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