i wish my penis had a tongue
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
