If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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