thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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