I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
