Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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