Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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