i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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