How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
