woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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