your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
