Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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