Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
