I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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