You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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