Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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