Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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