My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
