My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
