she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
