he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think a kid would responsible me up
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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