She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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