mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
