i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
