One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
