So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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