just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
