So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
