And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
