Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
