R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
