Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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