What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
