i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize