i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
my poor anus
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad