literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.