Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.