Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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