my vag is so smooth its legendary
she looked like the before picture.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester