drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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