we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
im so drunk with asians
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.