I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
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Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
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I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"