Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
