So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
