5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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