I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
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i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
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If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Shame - the story of my life.
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