I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
