WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
