I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
