Yo dont text me then not text me
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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