C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
