the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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