Swine flu. Run for my life!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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