awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
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