Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
