You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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