physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
