last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
