I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
