I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize